I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
Such a big mess for such a small penis
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
Randomize