I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
Think of all the island guys I could have. Ah well.
You can not bait me into a "how Stella got her groove back" call and response.
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
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