420 ftw
it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
Randomize