So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
Well at least ssomeone is or the state is tafing over ir in twligiob
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
Basic items
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
Randomize
