we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
I’ve got full Covid immunity, blonde hair and great tits! I’m basically unstoppable
Randomize
