Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
Randomize