her vagine was all disorganized.
ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
Randomize
