And when I look at him, I just want him to say "I love you" in between deep thrusts and hard grunts.
guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
Randomize
