piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
I think not having bongs in close range is good for my academia
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
Randomize
