All I know is that if italians start TIME TRAVELLING were all in a lot of trouble paizon
there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
She just used a chaser for red wine.
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
Randomize
