He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
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