Report just came out that Tim Tebow is a virgin but I have proof he is not. He's bent Florida State over the last four years in a row.
We just made watching Intervention into a drinking game. We drink everytime someone does drungs.
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
Well at least ssomeone is or the state is tafing over ir in twligiob
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
Randomize
