my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
Randomize
