I'm jealous of your bromance
me and my sister are feeding my dog poprocks. this is proof you don't need a lot of money to have fun.
I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
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