cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
fuck st louis. fuck their hockey. fuck their basball. fuck their football if they still got it. fuck their tiddlywinks teamm. fuck their ribs. fuck their entire city. what im trying to say is i dont like st louis
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
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