you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
Randomize
