You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
its not a party unless mikie exposes himself
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
Saturday morning. Went into a study room excited b/c some1 had left a paper w/ an inspirational quote: YOU ARE cApable of aChieving anything yoU waNT. Then I read the bold letters.....
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
Randomize