I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
after taking her first shot and having her first random hook up she finally feels like she is ready for college
she has no idea
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden
She's got a legit dose of dude going on
No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne.
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
And then the night went full on bisexual.
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
Randomize
