hotel room ftw
Where are you?
In a non slutty way
Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
Her name is Sherri and her sister's are Brandy and Champagne. Of course I want to meet her parents.
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
hey, cheif big dick, where the fuck are my panties.
Randomize
