my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
You were, but he disappeared after you said you wanted him to get you pregnant so you'd have a child by the time the Boy Meets World sequel starts
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
Randomize
