If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
Housing came buy and confiscated our shopping cart :(
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
Randomize
