My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
dont get me wrong, i like when a guy is into my boobs but when he started saying mama i want milk let me suck, i gathered my shit together and bounced.
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
Randomize
