Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
We were just talking bout putting on helmets and going fo a car ride just to see how ppl react. I will def fit in here haha
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
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