i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
ok think of it like jelly beans. if you can learn to like the licorice ones, youll always have lots of them because no one else wants them. its the same with fat chicks
You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
Randomize
