apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
Randomize
