The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
Sacagawea was the original milf.
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
Randomize
