I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
Do you know of any good hiding spots in the Atlanta area?
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
Randomize