i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
I need a pic of your cock for our cock collage
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
He threw up the X he took like 30min before then when we thought his antics were over... BOOM! He tried to pee out a light he was holding.
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
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