you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
Randomize
