Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
Randomize
