Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
Randomize