i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
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