all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
Randomize
