Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
When did angry sex become our thing?
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
Randomize
