I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
I went with the blow up doll and I'm glad I did.
I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
well it was great until i saw his anime body pillow
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
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