the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
You can achieve whatever you wish in your imagination with some help from drugs
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
Randomize
