I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
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