VAGINAS EVERYWHERE
they're staring at me
thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
I really need to stop carrying a flask around with me in my backpack at school..
Aren't you in 8th grade?
9th, but that's not the point.
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
I supernannyed him into submission
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
Randomize
