whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
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