I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
no, he's only a walking dick if he mans up. right about now he's just a walking transgender.
I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
He said they were doing a skit in class apparently someone else is dressed like a horse. Ive never felt more proned to skipping class than now
I found my old addy guy via fb who clearly understands the supply and demand curve of addy during finals so he's gonna hook me up.
they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
Randomize
