You took my girl thats shot the Fuck out. You better watch your skinny ass.
That's barely a sentence. Who's your girl? I think you've got the wrong number. I haven't even lived in Alabama for 4 years.
Yeah, I do, I'm sorry. I meant 205 not 256. sorry about that.
Good luck with your revenge in Birmingham.
If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
Randomize
