next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
Randomize