After he finished I threw up my arms and shouted STEVE HOLT!
The class that normally occupies the room we use for my Monday class had to do posters as if for a Hamlet movie and they pick actors for each character and this person wrote "Robert D. Niro"
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
Randomize
