I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
There are work activities and non work activities and dunking my head in a bucket of ice water pulling it out and shotguning a beer is certainly not a work activity
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
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