Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
So I think we're almost at the age where we should start calling boys men. Now what age do they start living up to the new title?
Most never. Some around 65.
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
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