i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
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