Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
Free beer happened. I got hammered and aaron did his first keg stand. Then went all martha stewart on redecorating the bathroom. I remember being at walmart
What theme did he decide on for the bathroom?
Well as you know martha loves the northeast this time of year. I believe the theme was 'coney island' decorrated with hot dogs and macaroni
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
Randomize
