I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
Randomize
