You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
Randomize
