I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
humiliate her
I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
Randomize
