ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
Randomize
