I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
Are we still banned from the library?
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
Randomize
