I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
its all coming back to me in waves....waves of humiliation and nausea.
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
Randomize
