god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
Still in Rome. Hooked up with frat boy from SoCal that's studying abroad. He said he was 1/8 italian. I'll take it.
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
Randomize
