things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
Randomize
