I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
you didnt say anything until i brought it up today. i guess i misjudged your maturity.
I guess I misjudged your gender.
Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
Randomize
