Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
We will discuss everything tomorrow i presume. Including the sweaty naked tango.
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
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