The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
Randomize
