it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
Randomize
