people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
Randomize
