If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
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