Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
I hope Team Snapchat has been enjoying our sex snaps all this week.
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
Randomize
