when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
Randomize
