I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
Randomize
