my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
you wouldnt answer to anything but devil's advocate all night.
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
Randomize
