I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
All i know if I'm throwing uo into a bag with a smiley facE on it right now and this is not a smileuy face time right nowe
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
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