he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
dude. I can hear the air.
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
Randomize