I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
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