So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
Wow anytime a scalper has i need tix written on the back of a franzia box thats a trusted seller
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
All I want is dick and wine.
Randomize
